Quote

Funny:

A woman went to a doctor and said , doctor, I have a problem. every time I sneeze I have an orgasm. the doctor said, oh really, what have you been doing for it. the woman replied, snorting pepper.

Quote

Funny:

"The good wife's guide"

This is an actual article from the Housekeeping Monthly Magazine 13 May 1955

Ø       Have dinner ready.  Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal ready, on time for his return.  This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him and are concerned about his needs.  Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospect of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) is part of the warm welcome needed.

Ø       Prepare yourself.  Take 15 minutes to rest so you’ll be refreshed when he arrives.  Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking.  He has just been with a lot of work-weary people.

Ø       Be a little gay and a little more interesting for him.  His boring day may need a lift and one of your duties is to provide it.

Ø       Clear away the clutter.  Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives.

Ø       Gather up schoolbooks, toys, paper, etc. and then tables.

Ø       Over the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by.  Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order, and it will give you a lift too.  After all, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Ø       Prepare the childrens.  Take a few minutes to wash the children’s hands and faces (if they are small), comb their hair and, if necessary, change their clothes.  They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part.  Minimize all noise.  At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of the washer, dryer, or vacuum.  Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

Ø       Be happy to see him.

Ø       Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Ø       Listen to him.  You may have a dozen important things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time.  Let him talk first-remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Ø       Make the evening his. Never complain if he comes home late or goes out to dinner, or other places of entertainment without you.  Instead, try to understand his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

Ø       Your goal: to make sure your home is a place of peace, order, and tranquility where your husband can renew himself.

Ø       Don’t greet him with complaints and problems.

Ø       Don’t complain if he’s late home for dinner or even if he stays out all night.  Count this as a minor compared to what he might have gone through that day.

Ø       Make him comfortable.  Have him lean back in a chair or have him lie down in the bedroom.  Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Ø       Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes.  Speak in low, soothing and pleasant voice.

Ø       Don’t ask him questions about his actions or question his judgment or integrity.  Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness.  You have no right to question him.

Ø      A good wife always knows her place.